“Dear Hushpuppi” — An open letter to the Malaysian-based Nigerian Big Boy.

Dear Hushpuppi,

I’m an admirer. Of your pictures. I don’t envy you. I think I would love to meet you in person – and disappear. Maybe, that’s why I admire your tenacity to ‘pepper’ the haters and ‘humble’ them, but since they ‘humbled’ the kidnapper Evans, I have been thinking about you. I didn’t say you are a kidnapper. Far from that. I am just worried about you.

Let’s take a spirituality class.

There is something called Wheel of Samsara in Hinduism. It rotates. It moves. It never stays in one place. It is like a table, which always turns. And within all of us, there is what we call willpower and the Cruel Mind. It’s okay if you say I am saying rubbish, but let us watch between now and August and see what happens. What we want will always come to us, if we focus on them.

You have defeated poverty, but you spend a lot of energy dragging poverty along with you. You feel bad leaving poverty. You feel vengeful. You feel you need to retaliate. That is why you have chosen to oppress us, most of us who may never really enjoy the kind of life that you are enjoying.

Money is addictive; it is also an illusion. Everyone needs an addiction, everyone needs it. When we have it, it is like a magnet, it attracts everyone. You know when you hold a magnet, it attracts everything that it can attract. It grabs them, hold them. That’s what you have done.

I doubt there is any mind that has any positive vibes for you any more. We are tormented by your showcase of wealth. We may not say it, but we are not happy.

A very famous musician, William Onyeabor was laid to rest recently. Mr Onyeabor, before his death, dissociated himself from the proceeds of his music. He said he had made the music with finances and money from a Russian mafia and syndicate. He died a Born Again, but he didn’t leave the house he built with that money. He died under the roof of that house.

The precious thing that Mr Onyeabor gave us is his music. I am sure you know one of his songs, ‘When the Going is Smooth and Good’? Let me share some of the lyrics of that song with you here, quickly:

When The Going Is Smooth And Good
Many, Many People Will Be Your Friend

Oh, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah!

When The Going Is Smooth And Good
Many, Many People Will Be Your Friend

But When The Going Becomes Tough
Many Of Your Friends Will Run Away

Dear Hushpuppi, I love that you have really worked smart and escaped poverty. I can tell you that poverty is a terrible thing. When you are poor, nobody wants to be your friend. If people are honest with themselves, we only want to enjoy with the rich, like you, even if it’s just a pie of your happiness. You are really living well, based on statistics from social media. The pictures are so colourful, but I for once, I don’t envy you. I know why and I will tell you.

Most of the victims of Chukwudi Dumeme “Evans” Onwuamadike are Igbo people. You know, they say the richest men in Nigeria are on the covers of Forbes magazine. I tell them, “No.” If you want to find the richest men in Nigeria, take a walk to Alaba, Balogun, Yaba, Onitsha markets and you will find them.

I have briefly done business with these men. They are very secretive with their wealth. They do not like attention. Those of us who seek for attention for the penny we have, are not wise and because we are mostly attention whores, we seek for attention with anything. Also, what doubles it is that some of us who seek attention and validation from the populace come from poor homes. When a poor man begins to see little wealth, it gets into his head.

I like that you want to ‘humble’ people, but there is no competition in the pursuit of wealth. Wealth will come and go. We all know that and you sef, will get bored of ‘humbling’ people some day and you will be ‘humbled.’ But, please, shine! It’s your turn to shine.

Dear Hushpuppi, I know you don’t print money, so I want to assume that you have a glowing business that brings in lots of money. Hopefully, just like William Onyeabor left his music behind for us to enjoy, you will learn to leave a legacy behind; something that the next generations will talk about. It won’t augur well if your story turns out to be something similar to Evans’. That won’t be nice. So, be nice to us.

Torment us with pictures. I look forward to reading captions that have your name on it. I actually genuinely admire the fact that you can have such freedom and expressively show your wealth to the public and don’t expect any reprisal of any sort. If I had your kind of money, I would be scared showing it online, because I am certain that my phones will ring ceaselessly: those I owe money and those who need money will call and make requests. I don’t know how you handle this.

Also, I admire how you spend that sort of money in clubs with ‘friends.’ Your friends, I must say, are terrible people. They never show that they are proud of you. If I were you, when I am with you in the club, I would post pictures and even tell the world that you are the Reigning King and that everyone should fear you. Your ‘Champagne Friends’ wouldn’t do that, because the day you are going down, they are not going down with you. They are here for the drinks and the little cash. They are going to say sweet things to you, but you are going to carry your cross alone.

Just because like you, I am an attention whore, I will end this letter now and hope to meet you someday.

Hugs,

Onyeka Nwelue